life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
