I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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