i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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