I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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