There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
he puts the penis in happiness.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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