Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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