I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
