sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
