the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Randomize
