y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
