Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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