So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
