For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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