So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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