he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
