I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Randomize
