eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
