did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I feel like a drive thru vagina
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
