her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
she peed on how many people?
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
