Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
