I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
