i just identified you from a description of your pipe
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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