yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
No stitches, just platelets and will power
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
YAS. BRING CRAB.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
