Your face is a jimmy john
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Randomize
