he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Randomize
