did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
