Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Randomize