waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
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