i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Never underestimate the power of titties
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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