I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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