Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
