I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
