I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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