so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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