Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
