quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
