I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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