i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
It's rum buckets o'clock
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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