I just pynch a tree in the face
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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