I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
