I cannot find my penis.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
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