I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
