The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
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