I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
