I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
