I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Randomize
