My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Randomize
