ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
