omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
