She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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