I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Randomize
