Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
