That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
