I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Randomize