the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
