at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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