I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Randomize
