Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
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