Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
40s are totally the cure
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
