my vag is so smooth its legendary
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Randomize
