Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
