I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I met the friendliest cop last night
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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