you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
