I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I just found puke in my bra..
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
