Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
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