Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Where are you guys?
Drunk
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
