i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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