Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
